a storey beyond story

“Enlightenment itself evolves. Even though the state remains absolute, the means by which humanity awakens as a totality has its own storyline within the maya […] Every individual moves through progressive revelations before arriving at the ultimate Revelation.

[…] The consciousness within form always has a storyline to follow. The trick is to fall in love with your own story and follow it without holding anything back. Two things are then assured — firstly, you will arrive at the story’s end, and secondly, your own story will be utterly unique and unlike anyone else’s.

[…] The truth is that nothing you do or don’t do changes when and how you reach the ultimate. You simply have to have faith in your own storyline. This is also why it is so rare for humans to attain these states — there is no one to follow, the path is virgin and wild and when your revelation finally dawns, it does so without your even being there!”

– Richard Rudd

The MO of 5-MeO-DMT

modus operandi: (1) a particular way or method of doing something ; (2) the way in which something operates or works 

James Oroc describes 5 functioning at the 7th energy centre/chakra. This is not within the physical body but within the energetic body, of which the perimeter is outside the physical body’s limits. Biologically speaking, Thomas Ray has identified that the depth and breadth of the molecule’s interaction with neuroreceptors is greater than any other (only N,N, DMT has a similar depth and breadth). Identifying the depth and breadth at which substances interact with how our system receives transmissions (as the molecular compound is a transmitter of neurons) is a way that we can recognise their function.

Why is it important to understand how 5 functions?

Because to hold it in a way that does not recognise how it functions would be a misunderstanding. A miss. The mark is missed. This is the etymology of sin. And for an experience so sacred, so precious, so divine, to approach it with sin would be, well, a sacrilege.

A religion may be a structural paradigm that holds or contains Spirit.
A structural paradigm that holds the most efficacious path to direct experience of Spirit with miss-understanding, may be sacrilegious.

Beyond stor(e)y

Imagine an elevator. The building it’s in—let’s call it the Shushumna Tower—is so high that one cannot see the top of it. In the elevator there are buttons, much like the glass elevator in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Each button has a specific label and will take you to that ‘floor’, ‘level’ or storey.

There are buttons that invoke technologies that offer specific and non-specific states of consciousness: Peyote (mescaline), iboga (ibogaine), different breathing control techniques, meditation, frenetic movement, prolonged activity (such as long-distance running), LSD, psychoactive mushrooms (psylocibin, amanita), …..
Some buttons simply have life experiences marked on them: becoming a parent, falling from great heights, losing a close loved one, having your heart broken, purchasing a home, ecstatically professing your love for someone, a concussion, a powerful orgasm, and so on.

These levels to which the elevator takes us offer us different vantage points. I imagine myself navigating the ‘floor’ from where the elevator door is to the windows looking out. Once I get through all the material that that experiential level beholds, I get to see what the world looks like from that stor(e)y, from that vantage point. Chances are, I can see further out than when I had been on a different stor(e)y, often one that was below or closer to where I began entering the building.

The building, of course, is life itself. And 5 reliably takes us to the penthouse—and beyond. Perhaps just like Oroc describes as the 7th chakra. All levels before the Penthouse are the stories.

And that’s what 5 does, doesn’t it? It takes one ‘beyond’. Beyond what? Beyond the seeing. Beyond the navigating of the content of another story. It’s trans-human, trans-story—transitory but yet eternal. The place where there is no content, just a sensation of the ride that cuts through all the Tower’s stories—and so effectively.

At the Penthouse, one is still on the ‘edge’ of being in the building and being beyond it. It’s the final veil, the margin between the physical body (the tower, and the top levels of the 6th chakra) and the energetic body just beyond (the sky or the ‘heavens’, the 7th chakra). At the Crown of the Tower, from which no horizon can even be seen, all is there. But if we’re looking for a horizon at the farthest reaches of the infinite landscape, then there’s more!

That elevator is actually designed to take us to not just the top floor, but it blasts right through the roof, disintegrating as it loses touch with its multidimensional host, the Tower. The tower now has no connection. The tower is gone. The elevator is gone. The content in the elevator is gone with it. Gone where? EVERYwhere! Horizon?
Infinite?
It?
I?
This is object becoming subject. Or subject unbecoming object. Or some other seemingly witty way to describe the ineffable in its own beautifully unique effing ways–what countless others have already described over millennia.

It’s this. This becoming. This beyond. This actual elimination of polarised perceptivity. Because with any other medicine, you’re always on a stor(e)y in ShuShumna Tower. Maybe it’s tranquil, maybe it’s geometric, maybe it’s personified, demonified, angelic, In any case, there’s a dimensionality as long as there is a ‘you’ experiencing it, as long as you perceive a story.

How do we ensure we get to the Penthouse and beyond?
Maybe if there was enough fuel in the elevator’s rockets, such as in the submission approach. Or maybe if the elevator’s load was lightened (such as with the surrender approach), it’d get through past the penthouse, beyond any story that the Tower housed.

And if we pressed 5 but pretended we were on the Nth floor, like a 128th story walk-up, wake-up, we’d miss the point. Like we pushed the penthouse button but tried to get out on the way up….

Misaligned

In other words, why use 5 like you would use any other medicine? This is not operating at the level of other medicines. So, just like a tool has a specific function, it may not need to be applied to a task that it is not designed for. A soup is not met well with a fork; a spoon is the greater tool. The fork does the spoon no harm; the spoon applies better.

If a practitioner doesn’t recognise what 5 does, they risk missing the opportunity to assist people who have dissolved into the All while they were assisting on another storey with a particular story.

Imagine thinking we need to do something for the person going in the elevator, missing the point that they’re not IN the elevator, they’re not the elevator, they’re not even just the building, they’re the entirety of what the concept and structure of a building could even be–and more.

The elevator shaft can be very precise, a tight container and passageway to—if the 5 button were pressed—the Source. A practitioner’s alignment with the vertical perfection of the shaft is elemental so that their own story is not keeping the elevator at a level other than the button that was pressed.

If a practitioner’s particular way or method is not in sync with the way in which 5 operates, their MO is misaligned. The practitioner is dimensioneer-ing at the Source of all dimensions.

 

~There is no need for two at the One~

 

 

 

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in support of embodiment: how cishumanism can balance spiritual bypassing

Some recognisable traits observed when encountering spiritual bypassing:

-Not focusing on the here and now; living in a spiritual realm much of the time.
-Overemphasizing the positive and avoiding the negative.
-Being self-righteous about the concept of enlightenment.
-Being overly detached.
-Being overly idealistic.
-Having feelings of entitlement.
-Exhibiting frequent anger.
-Engaging in cognitive dissonance.
-Being overly compassionate.
-Pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.

embodiment: (1) a tangible or visible form of an idea, quality, or feeling (2) the representation or expression of something in a tangible or visible form

transpersonal: denoting or relating to states or areas of consciousness beyond the limits of personal identity

The late John Welwood, who coined the term spiritual bypassing, observed this process as using “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks.” The goal of such practices, he claimed, was enlightenment.

The path to enlightenment is often followed by spiritual practices that often attempt to eschew the material plane, namely the body and its dense, lower frequencies. The idea is to bypass these aspects of self so as to access a higher Self. This process of realising the Self can be enticing and seductive. However, the actualisation of this process—bringing heaven down to earth—can be often seen as mundane, trivial, inessential, or superficial.

But beyond the surface—in skin, flesh, and bones—there are genes and codes. These microcosmic components of our material structure can be seen to mirror the metaphysical nature of existence, the latter which seem to be out-of-body. There, seemingly outside of us, phenomena exist beyond that which our body’s apparatus can perceive. Somehow, what is inside reflects what’s outside. The inner landscape is akin to the outer realms. The ground meets the sky at the horizon. And we, humans, walk that line at once situated in this body—this ‘I’—as well as being a part of other dimensions of existence: mult-‘I’-dimensional.

 

in support of cis-humanism

cis- : on this side of; on the side nearer to the speaker. Often contrasted with trans-

transhumanism: the belief or theory that the human race can evolve beyond its current physical and mental limitations

In exploring the notion of a multidimensional being, I have found that, for many who identify as such, there is a sort of dismissiveness to their humanness, the astral or light bodies being favoured over the physical, emotional, or mental bodies . Even one’s perceived soul, oversoul, or soul group are given more attention than the 3D that is what dominates the human experience most of the time (the human mind probably being the very creator/conceiver of time to begin with). The multidimensional being, as it has come to be conceived of, is somehow transhuman.

 

cisgender: denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex

As a cisgendered male, I identify as a male which corresponds to the sex I was born with. It’s a choice. It’s maybe contrary to transhumanism, yet I am positing cishumanism here not as an antithesis to multidimensionality, but as a recognisable pole that finds itself on the other end of a thread. Just like my identifying as a male doesn’t mean that I don’t identify with my feminine traits, my identifying as a human doesn’t mean that I deny that I’m multidimensional. I am that, too. And at the source of dimensions, where there is no t(w)o(o), I am.

Perhaps identifying as multidimensional is at the extreme end of a pole. Perhaps identity itself is extreme. No doubt, not identifying as anything feels free. Yet, to be in form there is an opportunity to be in-formed. This in-formation gives cause to a capacity to respond, to be response-able. Following this line of thought, being in a body carries responsibility.

What are we responsible for? In part, our physical, emotional, and mental conduct in/as this life/time. Or, the fine-tuning of energetic frequencies that support basic needs as well as developmental tasks. This is taking care of the multidimensional business of being, human: high functioning, present individuals with a solid sense of self and Self.

 

multidimensional embodiment = spiritual matter-ialisation

cis-human: denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity corresponds with their birth form and genus

Identifying as cishuman, similar to cisgender, there is a recognition with the form we are experiencing. So does the idea of cishumanism negate being multidimensional? I don’t think so. The incorporation of dimensionality—with its natural limitations—is the human experience at its fullest. And while experiencing humanity, its beauty and fullness may be experienced: you may be-a-YOU-to-FULL.

Full, in this sense, is exploring the fullness of existence that covers the multidimensionality that is beyond the material, 3-D plane. It also covers the material, tangible form from which the ‘I’ finds itself most of the time: the human body. The path to enlightenment can often bypass this material-ness, seeing it as limited and crude. Yet a lack of embodiment can result in repressed, unintegrated experiences—stagnant biographical and transpersonal content which can often be released through very human ways: cognitive, affective, somatic.

We have a body.

It’s made up of palpable and tangible material.

It’s made up of matter.

And it matters.

 

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each one of us

Each one of us

is amazing to someone
is ordinary to someone
is loveable to someone
​i​s challenging to someone
is pitiable to someone
​i​s hiding something from someone
is vulnerable to someone
is a liar to someone
is a saviour to someone
is a mir​ror​ to everyone
is dear to someone
is pathetic to someone
is in need of someone
​is caring for someone​
is fearful of someone
is uplifting for someone
is a victim to someone
​i​s gracious to someone
​i​s witness to someone
​i​s a trigger to someone
​i​s a treasure to someone
​…​.
And ​t​hough each one of us just is,
we can’t be everything to everyone.
That’s just the multiplicity of being​,​
human.

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Nature vs. Nurture: For All My Relations

This vasectomy–what I call my V-Day–marks a new chapter in my life story. And it’s an unapologetic HIStory. Aware that this is so much different than using contraception, seeing the smoke rise from my burning vas deferens solderised a new recognition and acknowledgement of my maleness.

I was adopted and later raised as an only child by two lesbian partners–my moms. I have a great relationship with my adoptive dad (who is sterile) who has always been in my life (along with his wife). I have a very good relationship with my biological family: brothers, parents, grandparents, et al. I have had a lot of caregivers. I have a lot of family.

I have never felt to have a child, to be a parent— or at least not biologically. When I was old enough to be aware of my egoic self, I considered that such a desire would be stemming from my mind, and therefore not entirely trustworthy. And so I stayed open to the possibility that a desire to have a child may be borne out of a relationship/couple/union that would be the wellspring from which a heart-based manifestation could offspring—a child born out of abundant love.

Now, at 40, I close that option. I have yet to have that shared desire with any partner. True, I’ve never been in a relationship for longer than two or three years. Nevertheless, I remained open. Of course, 40 is not that old. I have many years ahead in which that shared love could birth a desire to have a child. Yet, apparently I am ready for a different human experience.

Closing the door to the possibility of having a child does come with a certain chagrin. I won’t have that very basic of human experience, parenthood. I’m not alone in that, for sure, and yet I share here the context for this long-considered choice.

A Human Experience

Before my vasectomy—what I have come to call my V-day—I revisited the genealogical work that my biological maternal grandmother so generously and laboriously created in the form of a family tree album. As I traced with my finger the names of my ancestors as far back as the early 1700s, I imagined all the reasons they wanted to have children. I honour their decision with supreme gratitude in recognition that I am one of the direct benefactors of whatever inspired them to create more life. Perhaps optimistically, I imagine that it was love above all.

In the album is a photo of me at three months old. It’s a precious image, perhaps the only one of me in the care of a family who fostered my nascent being from my biological mother to the family that would later adopt me. A ghost-like sadness arose as I considered that an infant such as this, like me, in my likeness, won’t be appearing. This image—me—has chosen that this will be the end of a line in this genealogical fractal.

Seed Carriers

Before V-day, a lover expressed sadness when I told her about the approaching procedure. She would have carried my seed, she tells me. She would have, alone, raised a child that I provided the seed for, as if I were to give away a cutting of my own branch. All I could say, from a place of reason, is that we are planting seeds all the time, be they genetic or not.

In one generation, there will be 9 billion germinated seeds, all in various stages of maturity. The human family flourishes. The tree is enormous. Perhaps my vasectomy is a sort of pruning. Yet it’s not that what could have come from me is unwanted. I trust that the creative energy that manifested me will swell and collect and that the foliage and flowers—albeit sterile—will be as colourful and abundant as can be, even though this particular branch will not extend any further.

I don’t have strong opinions about menopause, impotence, contraception, infertility, abortion, etc., yet I imagine being able to soon relate to those who are not having children—be it by choice or not (my adoptive mom later had a tubal ligation). My family tree is comprised of branches that have no direct biological connection as well as those that do. I have been living the nature/nurture binary all my life as well as exploring the theories of attachment. The constellations of what ‘family” is to me are pretty unique and my relationships—with family members, friends, romantic partners—are somehow anarchical as a result.

The Will of One

This V-day marks a new chapter in my life story. And it’s an unapologetic HIStory. Aware that this is so much different than using contraception, seeing the smoke rise from my burning vas deferens solderised a new recognition and acknowledgement of my maleness.

I identify as cisgendered. The cauterisation of one of the most male of parts brings to my contemplative mind how we co-create our reality, not just together but in concert with the larger divine will. My considered choice to halt, from me, the flow of new prospective humans is somehow a very male-willed act. It is my personal will. And I’m a man.

I’m tempted to describe this act as a responsibility, though this may be interpreted as a moralistic stance. In any case, I think that my vasectomy is just as much a contribution to the human environment/story as is having offspring. I take responsibility for my choice to not be a progenitor by taking care of all my relations.

As I, as an adult, came to know my biological family, I realise that there was and is great care in having allowed this seed to germinate. It was nature.

As one who was adopted, the many members who I know as family all took great care of me. I was nurtured.

As one who is maturing amongst many trees in many places, I thank you for being part of my family.

May we nurture each other.

It seems to be a natural thing to do.

 

 

 

 

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inspired being

“All you need to do is breathe. The teachings will come. Immerse yourself. There may not be a certificate at the end, but not everyone taking a plane needs to learn how to be the pilot.”

inspire: (1) fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative ; (2) inhale

Je dis en français : «laissez-vous être inspirés».

A direct translation may be “Let yourself be inspired.” This play on words doesn’t have the same affect in English. Even though ‘to inspire’ has the same meanings, English-speakers rarely use it that way, it would be better said “Let yourself be breathed.”

 

Teacher in Training

I get asked this a lot : Do you train other facilitators?
My answer is: no, not now.

My reason has many parts. The main part is that it is not, at this moment, my highest calling. Yes, I have, by now, 6+ years experience with a sample size of 2000+ participants in small group contexts. And I LOVE sharing my learnings with the breath, whether in a personalised therapeutic sessions, initiatory discoveries in group ceremonies, or ceremonies with teachings in the Immersion (retreat) context. But training others to be facilitators? Not now. I’m still learning myself.

I imagine that if I had poured as much energy, time, and resources into my breathwork practise in the last 3-4 years as I had other work, maybe I’d have developed a training programme, or been more involved with the International Breathwork Foundation, or maybe have written a book like Dan Brulé and Giten Tonkov (which are great, by the way). No, I haven’t yet contributed to the breathwork world in these ways. My focus has been on my other passion and sense of right livelihood, what I call the Breath of Five. Nevertheless, conscious connected breathwork has always been at the core of all my lessons and continues to be the core of all my teachings. Indeed, as I embody the breath-as-medicine, I am able to translate and transmit how the breath is the ultimate teacher.

And so I have let the breath inform, infuse, and influence everything I offer. The primordial nature of this modality is inspiration enough. Because it is practically synonymous with life itself, the breath doesn’t have a trademark: Essence, Transformational, Biodynamic, Holotropic, Clarity, Rebirthing….

I AM the breath.
You are the breath, too.
And it needn’t have a name.

Embodiment and continual offerings, both in individual therapeutic contexts as well as ceremonial, are my contribution to the world of breath work. I have been inspired by and I bow to the teachers and leaders who have taken charge of training other teachers. Teacher and trainer need not be the same thing, however. I pay tribute to those from whom I have learned by continuing to breathe others. That continuation is my contribution.

I’m a tributary. This is how I currently teach.

All you need to do is breathe. The teachings will come. Immerse yourself. There may not be a certificate at the end, but not everyone taking a plane needs to learn how to be the pilot.

Enjoy the ride.

Let it take you to your destination.

Let yourself be breathed.

 

 

 

 

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"Enlightenment itself evolves. Even though the state remains absolute, the means by which humanity awakens as a totality has its own storyline within the maya [...] Every individual moves through progressive revelations before arriving at the ultimate Revelation....

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